10 Reasons Everyone Finds Texas Longhorns Football Insufferable

Ah, Texas Longhorns football. The self-proclaimed kings of college football, whether or not the record actually agrees. Love ‘em or (more likely) loathe ‘em, there’s no escaping the burnt orange brigade.

If you’ve ever had the misfortune of engaging with a Longhorns fan—or worse, watching them hype up a mediocre season—you already know why they’re unbearable. But let’s break it down for the uninitiated.

1. “We’re Back!” (Spoiler: They’re Not)

The unofficial slogan of Texas football is “We’re back,” which would be fine… if it were ever true. Every season, some overzealous fan or talking head declares Texas has finally returned to glory, only for them to finish with a respectable-yet-underwhelming record. Lather, rinse, repeat.

2. Burnt Orange Everything

Look, every school has its colors, but Texas fans take this to an aggressive level. There’s something about that very specific shade of orange that screams, “I own more polos than personality.” The Longhorn aesthetic is so overpowering that even pumpkin spice season pales in comparison.

3. The Whole “Horns Up” vs. “Horns Down” Drama

Texas fans are the only ones who turn a harmless hand gesture into a Supreme Court case. If you throw up the “Horns Down” sign, they’ll whine about disrespect and claim it’s unsportsmanlike. Meanwhile, they flash the “Horns Up” every chance they get, because self-awareness is apparently in short supply in Austin.

4. They Think They’re the Yankees of College Football

Texas fans act like their program is the gold standard of college football. Meanwhile, Alabama, Georgia, and Michigan are actually, you know, winning things. Sure, Texas has history, but so does Blockbuster.

5. The Entitlement Is Off the Charts

If you’ve ever had the displeasure of talking to a Texas fan, you know they have the confidence of a five-time national champion. Except… their last title was in 2005. That’s the same year How I Met Your Mother debuted, which means an entire generation of recruits wasn’t even alive for it.

6. Big 12 Drama (And SEC Delusions)

Texas spent years acting like they were too good for the Big 12, bossing around smaller schools and pretending they were above the rest. Now that they’re moving to the SEC, they seem to have forgotten that Alabama, Georgia, and LSU are just waiting to welcome them with a swift punch to the mouth.

7. The Longhorn Network Was a Complete Disaster

Texas thought they were so special they deserved their own network. And then… no one watched it. The Longhorn Network was basically a glorified propaganda machine for Texas football, and even their own fans had trouble finding it. ESPN probably wants to pretend it never happened.

8. Recruiting Hype vs. On-Field Reality

Every year, Texas lands a top-10 recruiting class, and every year, they somehow finish third in their conference. Five-star talent, three-star execution. No program does less with more.

9. Matthew McConaughey Won’t Stop Talking

We get it. He’s a cool dude. But no other school has a celebrity spokesman this involved in their program. The man treats the football team like his personal True Detective reboot, delivering speeches that sound like they were written in a dream journal.

10. They Think College Football Revolves Around Them

In their minds, Texas is the main character, and every other school is just an NPC. They assume everyone cares deeply about their program, when in reality, the rest of us just enjoy watching them lose to teams they underestimated.