Alabama football is like that one kid in class who always has the right answers, finishes tests early, and somehow manages to be the teacher’s favorite.
The Crimson Tide are a dynasty, a machine, and a never-ending source of frustration for anyone not wearing crimson and white. Love them or (more likely) hate them, Bama is the ultimate villain of college football. Here’s why fans across the country can’t stand ‘em.
1. They Win… A Lot. Like, Too Much.
Alabama winning football games is as predictable as the sun rising in the east. Since Nick Saban showed up in 2007, the Tide have been steamrolling opponents with terrifying consistency. Winning is fun when it’s your team. Watching Alabama do it over and over again? Exhausting.
2. The “Rebuilding Year” Lie
Oh, Alabama lost a few starters to the NFL? Poor guys. They’ll probably struggle next season, right? WRONG. Bama’s idea of a “rebuilding year” is still finishing in the top five and making the College Football Playoff. Meanwhile, your team is celebrating a 9-3 season like they just cured world hunger.
3. Nick Saban Was a Football Cyborg
Nick Saban doesn’t coach football anymore, but for decades he dominated the college football landscape. In fact, it doesn’t even matter that he’s no longer coaching, fans across the country are still annoyed he won for so long.
4. Their Fans Expect Perfection
Alabama fans have the audacity to be angry when they don’t win by 40. If the Tide only manage a 10-point victory, message boards explode with existential crises. Meanwhile, fans of 95% of college football programs are thrilled just to win any game.
5. They Hog All the Five-Star Recruits
It’s not enough for Bama to have elite talent—they need all of it. Every five-star recruit in the country? Bama’s got them lined up like they’re at a Chick-fil-A drive-thru. The rest of us are out here trying to build a respectable roster with three-stars and JUCO transfers.
6. They Get Every Benefit of the Doubt
A two-loss Alabama team still getting playoff consideration? Sure, why not. Controversial call? Probably going Bama’s way. If Alabama is on the bubble, the committee finds a way to justify their inclusion. It’s like they have VIP access to the College Football Playoff.
7. Their Backup QBs Are Better Than Your Starters
It doesn’t matter who starts at quarterback for Alabama, because if he struggles, the backup is somehow just as good—if not better. Remember Tua Tagovailoa replacing Jalen Hurts? Or Jalen Hurts replacing Tua? Other teams struggle when they lose a quarterback. Bama just shrugs and plugs in another future first-rounder.
8. They Somehow Get Motivated by “Disrespect”
Every offseason, Alabama players claim they’re being “disrespected” in the media. How, exactly? They’ve won everything in sight, but sure, let’s pretend they’re the underdog. Nothing makes a fan base groan more than hearing a five-star-laden roster talk about having a chip on their shoulder.
9. They Have the Most Bandwagon Fans
If Alabama has a million fans, 750,000 of them have never stepped foot in Tuscaloosa. You’ll find Bama “fans” all over the country who have no real connection to the school but just enjoy front-running. Meanwhile, lifelong Vanderbilt or Indiana fans have been suffering in silence since birth.
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10. Even When They Lose, They Win
Alabama finally misses the playoff? Oh no, what will they do?! Just kidding—they’ll still end up in a New Year’s Six bowl game, beat some poor team by 30, and use it as “momentum” for another championship run. Other programs have actual rebuilding years. Alabama just resets the dynasty clock.
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