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The 19 WORST NFL Nicknames Ever

Nicknames in the NFL are supposed to strike fear, inspire respect, or at least be cool enough to put on a t-shirt. But not every moniker hits the mark—some fall flat, make you cringe, or just leave you scratching your head.

From awkward alliterations to names that sound more like cartoon characters than football players, this list rounds up the absolute worst nicknames in league history. We’re counting down the 23 most regrettable attempts at gridiron branding—because not every nickname deserves a legacy.

19. The Amish Rifle

Miami Dolphins quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick (14) drops back to attempt a pass against the Cincinnati Bengals during the first half at Hard Rock Stadium.
Jasen Vinlove / Imagn Images

Nothing is intimidating about a gun that runs on horse-drawn carriage fuel. Ryan Fitzpatrick deserved better than this slow-lane nickname.

18. The Law Firm

Cincinnati Bengals running back BenJarvus Green-Ellis (42) celebrates after a touchdown during the first half against the San Diego Chargers at Qualcomm Stadium.
Christopher Hanewinckel / Imagn Images

BenJarvus Green-Ellis sounded like he should be writing wills, not running through defensive lines. It’s clever, sure—but way too buttoned-up for the NFL.

17. Captain Checkdown

Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Trent Edwards (11) runs for the sidelines during game against the Pittsburgh Steelers at Lincoln Financial Field in Philadelphia. The Eagles defeated the Steelers, 24-23.
Eric Hartline / Imagn Images

This one just screams “boring.” No quarterback wants to be known for avoiding risk like it’s their full-time job.

16. The Red Rifle

Carolina Panthers quarterback Andy Dalton (14) passes the ball against the Washington Commanders during the second quarter at Northwest Stadium.
Geoff Burke / Imagn Images

Andy Dalton’s hair got more attention than his arm, and this nickname didn’t help. It sounds like a Nerf gun your little cousin owns.

15. Muscle Hamster

Tampa Bay Buccaneers running back Doug Martin (22) works out at One Buccaneer Place.
Kim Klement / Imagn Images

Doug Martin begged people to stop using this one—and for good reason. It sounds like the name of a rejected energy drink.

14. Vanilla Vick

Los Angeles Chargers quarterback Tyrod Taylor (5) warms up before the game against the Cincinnati Bengals at Paul Brown Stadium.
Joseph Maiorana / Imagn Images

Tyrod Taylor got saddled with this one, and honestly, it feels disrespectful to both parties. It’s neither accurate nor flattering.

13. Neck Beard

Indianapolis Colts quarterback Andrew Luck (12) drops back to pass during the first half against the New York Jets at MetLife Stadium.
Vincent Carchietta / Imagn Images

This one was more of a visual descriptor for Andrew Luck than a proper nickname. Nothing says elite quarterback like sounding like a Civil War reenactor.

12. The Human Joystick

St. Louis Rams wide receiver Dante Hall (82) during the 2nd quarter against the San Francisco 49ers at Monster Park in San Francisco, CA. The Rams defeated the 49ers 13-9
Kyle Terada / Imagn Images

Sure, Dante Hall was shifty, but this name sounds more arcade than NFL. It aged like a PlayStation 2.

11. Clipboard Jesus

Tennessee Titans quarterback Charlie Whitehurst (12) throws a pass against the Jacksonville Jaguars at EverBank Field
Kirby Lee / Imagn Images

Charlie Whitehurst’s flowing locks and backup role gave birth to this one. It’s hilarious, but not exactly what you want to be known for.

10. The Sanchize

Dallas Cowboys quarterback Mark Sanchez (3) during the third quarter against the Philadelphia Eagles at Lincoln Financial Field. The Eagles defeated the Cowboys, 27-13
Eric Hartline / Imagn Images

Mark Sanchez’s nickname was meant to be iconic, but became ironic real fast. It was all hype, no delivery.

9. The Hefty Lefty

Taken Oct. 2, 1998: Highlands' quarterback Jared Lorenzen scrambles for a touchdown on the first series of plays against Conner Friday night, but the play was called back on a penalty as they played at Conner High School. Title No Title
Craig Ruttle

Jared Lorenzen embraced it, but man—it was brutal. Feels like a nickname that belongs on a barstool, not in the backfield.

8. The Mad Stork

AFC linebacker Ted Hendricks (83) of the Baltimore Colts on the field NFC quarterback Roger Staubach (12) during the 1971 Pro Bowl at the Los Angeles Coliseum. The NFC defeated the AFC 27-6
Darryl Norenberg / Imagn Images

Ted Hendricks was dominant, but his nickname just conjures up images of a bird delivering babies in a rage. The menace factor is at zero.

7. RG3

Baltimore Ravens quarterback Robert Griffin III (3) looks to throw during morning workouts at Under Armour Performance Center.
Tommy Gilligan / Imagn Images

It’s not even a nickname—it’s just his initials and number. Feels like the laziest branding attempt of the last decade.

6. The Sheriff

Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning (18) throws a pass in the first half in Super Bowl 50 at Levi's Stadium
Kirby Lee / Imagn Images

Peyton Manning ran the field like a general, but this cowboy cosplay name never quite fit. It sounds like he should’ve been patrolling Dodge City, not dissecting defenses.

5. T-Sizzle

Kansas City Chiefs defensive end Terrell Suggs (94) against the Houston Texans in the AFC Divisional Round playoff football game at Arrowhead Stadium
Mark J. Rebilas / Imagn Images

Terrell Suggs could ball, no doubt, but this nickname always felt like a failed rap alias. More mixtape than menace.

4. Mr. Butt Fumble

Chicago Bears quarterback Mark Sanchez (6) passes the ball against the Arizona Cardinals during the second half at University of Phoenix Stadium. The Bears won 24-23.
Joe Camporeale / Imagn Images

This one stuck to Mark Sanchez like glue, and unfortunately, it was earned. You never want your legacy to be a meme.

Read More: 15 Athletes Whose Nicknames Were Better Than Their Careers

3. Pocket Hercules

Jacksonville Jaguars running back Maurice Jones-Drew (32) warms up before the start of the the game against the Kansas City Chiefs at EverBank Field
Melina Vastola / Imagn Images

Maurice Jones-Drew was a powerhouse, but this nickname sounds like a comic book sidekick. It’s more cartoon than cannonball.

Read More: 15 Nicknames That Sound Like Cartoon Characters, Not NFL Players

2. The Throwin’ Samoan

Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Jack Thompson (12) in action against the New England Patriots at Riverfront Stadium.
Malcolm Emmons / magn Images

It was catchy in the moment, but it aged… not great. It reduces a whole person into a rhyme scheme and ethnic reference.

Read More: Ranking the 20 Weirdest NFL Nicknames

1. Danny Dimes

New York Giants quarterback Daniel Jones (8) throws a pass against the Dallas Cowboys in the first half at MetLife Stadium
Robert Deutsch / Imagn Images

Daniel Jones tossing a decent spiral one time led to this name, and it spiraled from there. It’s cute, it’s corny, and it’s currently clinging to relevance by a thread.

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