There’s something oddly charming about living in the past—unless you’re a college football program trying to convince everyone it’s still running the show like it did during the Bush administration. Some teams can’t seem to let go of the glory days, clinging to ancient trophies, outdated offensive schemes, or that one magical season like it just happened last fall.
A few are finally showing signs of turning the corner, but the vibes still scream flip-phone era. This list is for the programs that walk into every season with 2005 swagger and 7-5 results. Whether it’s the fanbase, the administration, or just the vibes, these schools are due for a reality check before they accidentally turn on a flip phone and wonder where the App Store went.
15. Nebraska
Every offseason, Nebraska fans talk themselves into a return to dominance like it’s inevitable, not impossible. But Tom Osborne’s not walking through that door, and it’s not 1995—or 2005, for that matter.
14. Texas A&M
The facilities are shiny, the boosters are rich, and the expectations are sky-high, but the wins? Still very mid-2000s energy. They talk like a national power, but usually play like a team just trying to crack the top 25.
13. Virginia Tech
Frank Beamer gave them national relevance, but the post-Beamer years have been all sizzle and no steak. They still act like Lane Stadium is a house of horrors, but the scoreboard often says otherwise.
12. Miami (FL)
The swagger is still there, but the wins haven’t caught up since flip phones were a thing. Every few years, we get a “The U is back” moment, and then reality shows up like a punt return against UNC.
11. Arizona State
They carry themselves like a West Coast power, but haven’t seriously threatened anyone outside the Pac-12 since Bush was in office. The talent flashes are there, but the results feel like a rerun from the mid-2000s.
10. Auburn
Auburn has one of the weirdest relationships with time—part 2010 glory, part Tuberville-era nostalgia. They’re still acting like the kick-six happened yesterday, but the wins have become more past tense than present.
9. UCLA
The Rose Bowl aesthetic is timeless, but the football product? Not so much. There’s a belief that they should be in the playoff picture every year, but they’ve been mostly stuck in 2005 mode since, well, 2005.
8. Florida State
They’ve had flashes of recent relevance, but the attitude often still screams Bobby Bowden-era dominance. The vibes are old-school power, but the ACC standings have a different story to tell most years.
7. South Carolina
There’s a belief that the Gamecocks are on the brink of greatness, but history hasn’t been particularly kind. They’re still clinging to the Spurrier era like it’s gospel, but the SEC isn’t slowing down for nostalgia.
6. Michigan State
Mark Dantonio had a great run, but ever since, it’s been a steady diet of disappointment. They still operate like they’re one upset away from greatness, even though they haven’t scared anyone in years.
5. Tennessee
The fanbase fully believes they should be competing for national titles every season, no matter what the actual results say. While 2022 was a nice jolt, most years still feel like a throwback to 8-4 heartbreaks.
4. Oklahoma State
They’ve had consistent seasons, but Mike Gundy’s mullet feels more era-accurate than their offensive strategy lately. The “we’re almost there” narrative hasn’t changed in two decades.
3. Texas
No program lives in the past quite like the Longhorns. From the Vince Young statue to constant expectations of dominance, Texas still acts like it owns the college football world—even when the scoreboard disagrees. They had a solid season last year, but they expect championships every year.
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2. Notre Dame
They carry themselves like a blue-blood dynasty, but haven’t been able to win the big one in the modern era. The NBC deal is timeless, but the football sometimes feels like a Fighting Irish time capsule.
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1. USC
The Trojans still think they’re running college football like it’s the Pete Carroll era and Reggie Bush is dodging tackles in HD. Despite some recent sparks, the program’s overall mindset hasn’t quite caught up with the calendar.
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